Why Ramayan is the worst story ever!

So it’s been a while since I have been thinking about this and finally decided to pen down my thoughts. This began on the day of Dussesrah when I was busy getting celebratory/festive wishes on Whatsapp. I was thinking about the popular, shorter version of the story of Ramayan and how warped it is. 

So Ram, playing the ideal son, decided to give up his kingdom keeping in mind the insecurities of his step-mother; which is cool. But, did he discuss it out with Sita first? No! He just played the perfect  son, making his parents proud. Poor Sita! She just heard the decision taken by her husband and like a good wife (who may or may not have wanted to escape living with her in-laws) she followed Ram into a life of self-exile.

That wasn’t enough when Ram’s younger brother, Lakshman decided to follow him. Again, there’s no one knows of his wife Mandavi, who decided NOT to follow her husband into the forest and live in the kingdom with her new family. May be she thought living her parents-in-law was better than living 24x7 with her brother and sister-in-law. Again, Lakshman shows no consideration for his wife’s feelings. Mind you, they’ve just gotten married.

As if that wasn’t enough male chauvinism, we see a scene of Surpanakha, who is a strong female character in the entire story – not ashamed about her body, is sexually progressive, knows what she wants and isn’t scared to achieve it. She likes Lakshman and makes a pass at him, which ideally should be applauded but isn’t. He decides she’s ugly and decides to cut her nose. Is Lakshman any less a criminal than those who throw acid on women in a fit of rage? But here, it’s totally cool to do all this because, well, she’s “ugly”.

So now, angered by his sister’s injury and not being able to take any insult like any other normal brother would, Ravana is angered beyond reason. (Compare Ravana to yourself and think about the act of your sister being amputed for no fault of her’s and try to see reason.) So he decides that the best strategy is ‘eye for an eye’. 

He goes and kidnaps Sita (there’s a background story of him participating in Sita’s swayamvar and losing to Ram), takes her to his palace, keeps her in the same house as his wife, keeps her safe, but nonetheless, keeps her with him. Ofcourse, in this case, Mandodari has no say in her husband’s affair. Ravana atleast has the courtesy to keep Sita safe, surrounded by female guards, in the most beautiful garden in Lanka. Sita, ofcourse is mourning and like a good wife, decides to wait for her husband.

The husband and brother-in-law in the meantime are involving monkeys, who have absolutely no personal issues with Ravana and are like the modern day USA, deciding to support anyone just for whiling away their time and resources. Of course, Ram could have gone back to Ayodhya and asked his brother for an army and state of art weapons but no, there wouldn’t be enough drama to it.

So after walking for long and coming up with an awesome strategy for crossing the sea using rocks that magically float on water (wonder what stopped him from using magic to fly across to Lanka, wouldn’t it be faster?), Ram’s army reaches Lanka. Ravana, for some odd reason allows them to set up camp on his land, when in fact, he knew that they wanted to wage a war against him.

In the meantime, Bhibhishan, Ravana’s brother plays the traitor and joins Ram. According to the story, it’s okay to do backstab your own brother and join hands with the enemy for the “greater good”. Ram now gets inside information. Drama ensues. Hanuman has a face-off with Ravana and slyly informs Sita about her husband’s arrival. In all this drama, it’s absolutely cool to burn off the houses of innocent villagers who have nothing to do with the personal issues of Ram and Ravana but, eh, collateral damage you see!

The smell of testosterone fills the air with the scene of war and people being killed. Finally, Ram kills Ravana, tries to act like a nice guy by paying his last respects to the dying man and takes his wife home. Ayodhya celebrates the return of their true king. Ram takes over the kingdom and everyone thought that the story is over.

But no! Ram overhears a ‘dhobhi’ saying something to the effect of ‘Main Ram nahi hu jo tujhe accept karunga’ and Ram being the “just” ruler, banishes his wife. It doesn’t even make sense! No one officially complained to Ram that they doubt Sita’s piousness.  He just overheard someone talking to his wife in a fit of anger. I have to give this to Ram; he, until that day, had never questioned the loyalty of his wife. A pregnant Sita set off to the forest, no concept of alimony existed then, and is left to fend for herself and her kids. She, for some odd reason, decided not to go to her father’s place because “main unpe bhojh nahi ban-na chahti” and all. She gives birth to Luv and Khush and this is all we know. The popular version of the story doesn’t tell us if Ram ever went back and brought Sita home, gave his children the love of a father. 

And this is why, my friends, Ramayan is the worst story ever! It's about female oppression, it has confusing concepts of loyalty, it tells you not to trust your wife in any way, it tells you that parents can be cruel under various circumstances, it tells you violence is okay, it tells you collateral damage in ego wars are okay! It doesn't impart one good teaching,except maybe, about being a good son and doing what your parents (even step-parents) ask you to.